You are not going to lose weight.

I hate when people say they are going to start their diets tomorrow. People of the world, go on your diet now. Because you wont start it tomorrow, or Monday. just do it now. I don’t care that you had pancakes and bacon covered in syrup for breakfast. Have a quinoa salad for dinner. There. Diet started.

Also. I hate when someone eats something unhealthy and then reasons that they have already blown it for the day so they may as well have pizza and ice cream too. Why are people so dumb? Let me ask you something: If two people were shot… one of them just once, and the other one four times, would you say that’s the same thing? Sheesh.

I hate when people ask me how I lost weight and when I tell them I just got off my ass and stopped eating shit all the time they are almost always disappointed. Do you expect me to tell you that I met a magical unicorn who’s blood I drank to never have to diet or work out again followed by where you can find such a creature? Bitch please.

Don’t pig out all weekend and start on Monday, unless you think it makes sense to start a race from 50 yards behind the starting line.

BARF! Top Ten Reasons to Avoid Processed Food

1. Deciphering food label ingredients leads to unappetizing results. Take the innocuous-sounding castoreum, which is used to enhance the flavor of puddings, candies, and some frozen dairy desserts. You might be surprised to know that it’s derived from beavers—beaver anal glands, specifically.
2. Many foods get their red coloring—“carmine”—from ground-up insect shells that can cause severe allergic reactions in some people.
3. The greater the number of cheap cuts of meat ground into a single patty, the greater the risk of contamination with E. coli. A standard fast-food burger contains the trimmings of dozens of cows raised around the globe.
4. According to research from UCLA, it takes only two months to lower levels of brain chemicals responsible for learning and memory (like BDNF) on a steady diet of processed foods.
5. Processed food is only as good as its packaging: In the summer of last year, Kellogg’s recalled 28 million boxes of cereal because a compound in the box lining (the company wouldn’t say what) was giving off a foul smell and tainting the taste of the boxed food.
6. The same company that makes metal detectors for airports also sells them to food manufacturers, who use the devices to test processed meats for stray wires, metal shards, and hypodermic needles.
7. The ingredients list for Strawberry Fruit Roll-Ups doesn’t include…strawberries.
8. Animal feed given to factory-farmed cows contains rendered roadkill and euthanized cats and dogs, as well as plastic pellets as a cheap form of “roughage.”
9. There are more than 80 ingredients in one Oscar Mayer Lunchables Breaded Chicken and Mozzarella sandwich.
10. The FDA allows 19 maggots and 74 mites in a three-and-a-half-ounce can of mushrooms.

fuckfuckfuck

i hadn’t gone to the gym/worked out in general in 3 days and holy fuck i just got back and i feel like death. even when i was in indiana drinking myself into oblivion, i worked out on the days that gina went to work but for the past like 2 weeks i have been in a “fuck off everyone and everything in general” mood so i finally let it get to me these past 3 days and god damn it.

whatever, i am gonna go watch real housewives of nj and there better be lots of hot footage of albie and i hope teresa throws something. ok bye.

Fuck off if you think eating frozen diet meals and chocolate “health” bars are going to make you thin and healthy.

My friend has just started on Nutrisystem despite all my kicking and screaming. With all due respect to her… I think she is a moron. Not sorry. True friends tell the truth because they care enough to maybe get into a fight over something they know you are wrong about.

I’m annoyed with anyone stupid enough to fund companies like Nutrisystem. Don’t buy into their vacuum sealed by a machine in a factory weeks and weeks ago bullshit. And as much as I love Kendra Wilkinson, she’s a jerk for promoting this Ab Cuts shit - another thing another friend is trying. Kendra knows that you do not need any diet pill to lose weight. I wouldn’t be surprised if she doesn’t take the Ab Cuts. I get that she has a son to take care of and it’s money and I still love her. But it’s still annoying to me.

I’ve gone from an 8 to a 4 (not done yet!) and I eat none of that shit and I take no diet pills. Nor will I ever because I am not a lazy asshole. Any weight loss solution that comes in a box or a bottle is total bullshit.

People seem disappointed when they ask me how I lost weight and I say “Get a load of this. I don’t eat shit all the time and I get off my ass every day.” They want me to say this: “I’ve discovered a 100% natural and safe pill that you can take that will burn ALL YOUR CALORIES no matter what you eat. And it’s free! Here you go! Now let’s go ride some unicorns down by the forest of money trees.”

Even the Reebok Easy Tones annoy me. It’s funny and sad that people think they need these shoes. Like going for a run in normal shoes is somehow not effective enough. If you go outside and run you will lose weight. Period.

Want to lose weight? Don’t buy any product. Just stop eating like you’re going to the electric chair and move your fucking ass. This has been a PSA from Capria Moon. I’m on my way to dance. Calories will be burned. My size will go down again thanks to me, not any pathetic corporations. BAI.